Outpost of the World

I feel like a jerk for saying this, but... Gosh. I'm just so relieved right now. Andy broke up with me yesterday afternoon; it was a quick, three minute cell-phone conversation on my way to the dinning hall to meet Stephanie. A lot of problems have arisen in our relationship since we got back together, which I'll explain in greater detail in just a second, but basically, everything pressing and troubling was discussed last week during break over chicken casidias. I asked him some tough questions, and I didn't get the answers I was looking for. Between that and the fact that I just didn't feel any romantic chemistry between us (Confession: it was getting to the point were kissing him made me feel a bit ill), it was time to end things.

For me, the biggest problem--and what ended up being a complete deal breaker--was that he got into some trouble with the police over winter vacation and tried to sweep most of it under the rug. He told be that he was getting charged with DUI/possession along with a few other people, but the way he spun the story around made it sound like he was simply in the wrong place at the wrong time. It was at his friend's house down at school, it was his friend's alcohol, he wasn't drinking... I was sympathetic for a while, but after I found out who he was actually with, I started asking questions, and the truth slowly trickled out.

The bottom line is this; he was at home in December (right before we started going out again), in a car with three other girls that I'm acquainted with and both of us know to be troublesome (Two of them were from this entry! Fancy that!), they attracted the cop's attention because they were trespassing in a parking lot at a local park, all of them were drinking, and even though he won't own up, I suspect that it probably was his car, and his alcohol, considering that he has easy access to it at home and his parents don't ask questions.

If I had known this ahead of time, it would have completely changed my decision to start seeing him again. It was probably naive of me to believe the first story he told me, but up until that point he'd never lied to me before, so I didn't see any reason for him to be making things up. I think part of the rationale behind his actions was to save face, and the other part was to try and sugar-coat everything so that he'd still have a chance with me.

I guess I must sound sort of childish and prudish to be upset over this, considering that most nineteen year old college students drink, but... This whole event was just a big collection of him making the same mistakes over and over. He knew from experience that those girls were trouble. He's been warned previously by the police that hanging out in parks after dark is usually considered trespassing. He's been let off the hook for drinking before... Honestly, it was a culmination of not being able to learn from prior mistakes, and since he did it on my watch, it actually counted for something. I'm not interested in dating someone who one, won't own up to their shit when they do something wrong, and two, lacks enough common sense to stay out of trouble when they know they're on thin ice.

There are other factors that contributed to our demise; he thinks I'm a tight-ass because I go to a party school but don't party, and I think he tries too hard to make everyone like him and avoid conflict. He thinks I'm too serious and too judgmental, and I think he's too passive and... not on the same page as me from a mental perspective. We don't connect on a mental/emotional level so much as we simply have a lot to talk about. I'll say something that I think is deep or introspective and it'll either go right over his head or he'll misinterpret it. Wow... After saying all this, I realize that we were completely wrong for each other. XP I never ever though he was the one, but... I think I just wasted a few months of my love life that I'll never get back. XD A nice guy, but not for me.



Okay, even if the love of my life doesn't end up being some sort of leather pants wearing, sweet smiled, horribly egotistical, over-sexed German god of rock, I'll still be the happiest girl in the world when I can finally say that I'm in love. Because I haven't been. Ever. I know there's someone out there for me I just need to move on and keep looking for him. And because he's my soulmate, and therefore determined and ambitious like me, I take comfort in knowing that he's moving along and looking for me too. ;D



Love,

Popo

PS: Seeing as my computer just blue-screened, and my entry is still here, I give thanks to the gods of Auto-Save. Stop error 3f, you and I meet far to often, it seems. Anyone else think it's retarded that HP computers don't get along with HP printers? u__u;