Ugh

Apr. 29th, 2013 01:13 pm
popo_licious: ([WD] Bite)
Well, I was right. Things really were too good to last. I feel so emotionally exhausted and sad that it's hard to breath. More later when I don't feel so glum. Promise. I'm just so tired of my heart hurting all the time that I can't bring myself to go into the details right now. ;^;

 photo tumblr_mjtr0cL2HV1s4xnm8o1_400_zps7bfbd163.gif
popo_licious: (Default)
I'm back at school. :) Sorry about my angry post the other morning regarding my computer--I was super nervous about going back to VT and certainly didn't need my laptop shorting out on me. I got everything squared away though, so hopefully that's the end of my troubles for now. XD

For some reason, going back this year is much, much harder for me, despite the new dorm and having an awesome roommate. I suppose the novelty of moving in and getting text books and all that has officially worn off. There's no excitement, just anxiety and nervousness and sadness right now. It'll go away soon, but it sucks right now. XD My folks are still in town and my sister is sleeping over in my room tonight, so presently, I'm alright, but come morning, I know I'm going to be a wreck. My days have been punctuated with bouts of tears as of late, which is both embarrassing and inconvenient. Stephanie moved in a day early and was talking to my mom about saying goodbye to her family last night, and it was such a depressing story that it made me cry a bit at dinner. (Just a little. Like, a single tear.) XD

More than anything, I just hope I do well in my classes this year. I'm not that worried about living away from home, though I'll definitely be homesick. I'm most concerned about my classes and keeping my grades up. Last semester I tripped over the finish line. It's too embarrassing to even talk about. I had to drop Macro Economics in the end, I passed Accounting but not to the level required by the business school, I ruined my spectacular Java grade by missing the mark on the final project and bombing the exam, and my German grade was one point away from the next letter grade up. XP The only thing I felt like I did well in was Calculus, surprisingly. Anyways, I'm unofficially changing my major. My GPA is now too low to apply to an actual degree program, but that isn't stopping me from taking some of the lower level prerequisite classes. I'm studying Political Science, and if I like it enough, I can bump it into a Pre-Law degree.

Anyways, video games await. XD I'll post pictures when I get the room cleaned up and my stomach settles down. There aren't any butterflies down there--just worms. :/



Love,

Popo

Hell Week

Feb. 23rd, 2009 06:23 pm
popo_licious: (Default)
((If you're worried about getting caught-up in a potential friends-cut, leave me a comment.))

I saw a girl get hit by a car on the way to class this afternoon... But don't worry, she's okay. (And I didn't see it so much as I heard it...) XD Some guy in a car was trying to make a left onto a side street, so he waited until I was out of the crosswalk before turning, except out of nowhere, this girl flew by on her bike and cut right in front on him. I don't think he hit her head-on; my back was turned, but I heard a crashing/thud-like noise and turned around to see the girl in the middle of the crosswalk with her bike looking like it had seen better days. I feel guilty for not staying, but I needed to get to class. I was about to go back and help her up at least, but I saw the guy getting out of his car and showering her with concern, so I figured it would turn out all right. Really... I should have gone back. XD Clearly, grades are more important to me than other people. u__u;



I have a feeling that if I'm not careful, this week may in fact end up to be a whirlwind of FAIL. In every sense of the word. XD Counting today, I have five tests/exams to tackle over the next three days. I'm happy that the bulk of my worries will be over by Wednesday, but I still have an awful lot of studying and work to do. (I'm posting because I need a little break.) ;D This morning I had a German test, which I think went pretty well. Looking back, I used the wrong verb for one of the sentences in my essay, but they were close in meaning, and that's the only error I've managed to dig-up in hindsight. (Crystal... are duschen and waschen even remotely interchangeable?) XD

I was supposed to have a "pop quiz" in Java today, but we were too busy, so I would imagine that we'll have it on Wednesday. I'm really doing well in that class; last I checked, I had a 91%! And that's not including the 100% I got on my last lab. It's exciting to feel like I might actually be good at something in college. XD I know Java isn't all that hard to learn in the big scheme of things, but at the very least, I find it interesting, and I think that I might actually find BIT being a good fit, or even something in CS. :3

Tomorrow I have a test in Accounting, which could go either way for me, really. I'm doing alright on the homework and I understand the lecture, but in the past, that hasn't necessarily meant anything about my performance on exams. I also have a Macro Economics test on Wednesday, which I can already tell I won't do well on. It's not good to walk into a situation feeling defeated, but after trying some practice exam problems last night, I realized that I've been going to class and listening without listening, and taking notes without actually processing them. The class is just so boring. D: I'm not ADD, but I need to be in courses where I can take the lecture material and actually apply it to something. I got my first homework assignment in that class last week, so of course, I was overwhelmed, because without having any real reason to actively commit the information to memory, it all sort of slipped in one ear and leaked out the other, which means I had no idea how to answer most of the problems. And it's so vague. Nothing in that class seems solid, because it seems like all we do is mutate the same two or three equations over and over again without actually doing anything with them. More examples would be nice, I guess. D:

And finally, I have a math quiz on Wednesday. I think I'll do alright, since my quiz grades have all either been 5/6 or 6/6, though I can't say the same for the exam I took last week. I have no idea what was up with me, but I outright failed it, and I know it's going to come back to bite me in the ass just like it did last semester. (I'm hoping that the better quiz scores will counter balance the exam slightly.) I was just weird last week, especially on Tuesday when I had my test. I was forgetting to do things, I wasn't hungry, I had a series of awful headaches, ugh. I left an entire load of laundry downstairs for several hours before remember stick it in the dryer. XD I'm pumped this week though, so wish me luck!



I should have mentioned this sooner, but my housing for next year is officially taken care of. Yay! I'm rooming with Stephanie, which makes me one of the happiest people in the world. She came down to VT with her best friend since forever--Jackie--as her roomie, so I was pretty certain early on that I probably wouldn't be able to somehow get between them. (I mean that in a non-malicious way. I like both of them, but Jackie is like a casual friend whereas Stephanie is more like... a sister.) XD Anyway, I guess things haven't been working out as well as planned between the two of them, and since Stephanie wanted to stay on campus and Jackie wanted to move off, it all worked out when it came time to fill out the forms. (Except now I think Jackie hates me for stealing her friend, since she had hopes to coerce Stephanie off campus with her. And... we sort of filled out the forms behind her back, right before the due date.) ^^;

I'm really happy that I was able to meet Stephanie. I think its fate that someone I get along with so well--in this huge school--happens to live one door away from me. XD I didn't always feel like I was appreciated or cared for by my friends in high school. I've said this many times before. I'm a broken record, but I think that just means that at times, I was left pretty deeply wounded. They were nice enough, mostly, but because I simply attached myself to a group of girls who already knew each other and went to a different middle school than me, there were plenty of times when I really felt left out, though I'm not sure they ever noticed or cared since they had each other. I remember there being a "best friends only" birthday party that I wasn't invited to, which really stung. And then... they had some retarded name for their group with custom t-shirts and a handful of sleep-overs that they tried to hide from me, and of course, they did a lot of hanging out without me. I didn't bother to make new friends though, because when they were actually there for me, they usually came through. We had some good times, but... the bad times jut out in my mind considerably. D:

No, no, no, no, no. This girl turned out to be a crazy fucking bitch. OMG. ---> But college is a wonderful dissolver of cliques, and the best part about Stephanie is that she strikes me as the sort of friend I've always wanted but never had. Does that make sense? I think everyone has an image in their mind of what their ideal friend would be like, and Stephanie fits the mold. We have a ridiculous number of things in common, similar morals and attitudes and wants out of life, while at the same time, there's enough push and pull between us to keep things interesting. And then there's the fact that I suppose I simply feel wanted--in a platonic sense, of course. XD I like it that she goes to me for advice and sends me text messages every once in a while, no matter how stupid, and kicks my door when she walks by. It's dumb things like that can make a person's day a little brighter, and no one I've know previously had ever really taken that into consideration. I guess, for once, I just feel like I'm getting a good return on the amount of effort I'm putting into my friendship. XD It's always felt horrible lopsided in the past.


I went home over the weekend--it was fun, but I've cut the next few paragraphs because there's a bit of ugliness in there right at the end that some people might not care to read. :)

Some vague details, because I can’t say too much... )

Actually, that sort of transitions into my next topic. I'm thinking about making my journal Friends-Only. In fact, I think the change will happen before or by the weekend. There's no real reason for me to keep this public anymore. Back when I first joined, I used to cross-post to different communities, so it made sense for everyone to have access, but since that's not the case anymore, I can do what I please. :D


One last thing... I don't post music here very often, but while riding the bus home over the weekend, I bumped into Vienna by Billy Joel. I've heard it before, but I think I was like, six years old, and thought he meant Vienna Metro, instead of the city. XD (Because when you're six, you're a newb!) Anyways, I'm quite fond of it. I've posted it here.


Best wishes!

Popo
popo_licious: (Default)
Hello, everyone! :D As of yesterday evening, I’m officially all moved into my dorm and ready to start school! I’ve got most of my stuff unpacked, my new computer is running smoothly—for the most part, I’m getting along with my roommate alright (Example: tonight is Coffee-Pot Ramen and Olympics Night, since our meal plans don’t kick in until tomorrow) and I’ve already managed to meet up with a friend I made at orientation. I also learned that the captain of my robotics team for the 2007-2008 season is living in my dorm, as I accidentally closed the elevator door on his father during move-in. XD Despite the lack of air-conditioning, my bed is by the window and there’s been a nice breeze these last few days, so I’m keeping cool and comfortable. (The words biggest window fan is also behind my head, so that’s good too. XD )

HEAVY SIGH

I’m also really, really homesick. It’s not the fact that I have to share a bathroom with a bunch of strangers, or that my living space is about a hundred times smaller than what I’m used to; I just really miss my family, to be honest. If the four of us had to share this little dorm room, I’d still be perfectly happy—proof that home really is where the heart is. And as I told my dad over the phone a little while ago, the day can stretch out to be pretty long when you don’t have too many folks to talk to. My door has been open almost the entire time I’ve been here, but it hasn’t really helped me make friends with anyone new, at least not yet. Everyone else has their doors closed so… I can’t really pop my head and introduce myself, or even say “hi” while walking down the hall. Still, I’m sure things will get better. Right now everyone is still moving in, and I see about as many parents passing my door as kids.

Anyways, I just wanted to let everyone know that I’m okay and moved in. Please leave a comment… I need to talk to people I know! Pictures will be up soon enough.:)

Love,
Popo

Untitled

Jul. 8th, 2008 10:55 am
popo_licious: (Default)
Bwah! °___°; So there's been a change of plans — instead of leaving for Blacksburg ((AKA VT Orientation Land!)) tonight, I'm leaving in an hour. Yikes! I don't really have time to be making this post, but I'm hoping that it'll help me settle down a little. I'm so nervous; I have such a hard time making friends at warp speed. I can do it over the course of like, a week, but I struggle when I need to pick up some buddies in, you know, the course of an hour or so. Ugh... It's times like this when I wish I was a little more outgoing, our at least better versed in the art of small talk. I'm hoping things will go well, but we'll just have to wait and see, I suppose. I'm definitely excited to sign up for my classes though. My AP scores were good enough that if things go well with all my paperwork and score reports, I won't have to take any English at all in college, nor will I have to take any history. I plan on replacing English with German. XD That'll be fun.

See you all in a few days! Wish me luck! XD

Love,

Popo 

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